AS I CLOSE MY EYES

Pictures undeciphered I see
As I close my eyes,
Overwhelmed is my being
And I am still but time flies.

I do remember something
Or more of it but
All of it is in a blur,
A blur with a silver lining
That I may want or not
But then it goes back in the hide.

I dig deeper and deeper
And my hands get pale
As I stop for a breath to take,
My hands are purple and the air is grey
I choke upon my intrusive thoughts
A ghost is taking over me.

A ghost once living but long forgotten
Imprisoned with me for crimes never done.
We escaped but fell into a vicious game
And I gambled that got her the stake,
I wanted to turn back but my heart ached
But then I wasn't selfless and it wrecked my days.

All of this hides behind a door
A door covered in ivy
Holding all my pain and all the cures,
But to heal is to hurt and to hurt is to remember
And my mind, all it remembers
Is the silver lining with a blur.